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So i bought myself a retro microphone for all those times the microphone built into the webcam i bought at the same time just won't cut it! Now don't tell anyone *looks around suspiciously for dramatic effect* but I have oft dreamt of being a radio DJ! It comes from the love of forcing my music taste on others! And I dont like having people talk back to me either, so it's perfect!
I'm wearing some charming purple boxer shorts today, however the hour is late so I might have to change into my PJs. The reason I'm telling you this is so you don't feel left out from the gang of pervs who no doubt have hacked into my webcam and are watching me type type type! It's one of those nuggets of information that you'd just be much happier off not knowing! It's the reason I used to point my inert webcam skywards so 'they' couldn't observe me [censored]ing! Also how the teachers at school KINDLY pointed out that when you smell a fart it is in fact bits of poop going up ur nose! I've kind of gotten over it but still!
I often think about taking naked pictures of myself with random household objects covering my good stuff! It takes me back to the time I was drying myself after a shower in the fresh air of my back garden (i dry slowly because I am very hairy) and my towel slipped. Classic! I like to think most of my neighbours loved it!
But not as much as they loved all watching me and one or two friends (not boasting) had a race down the hill of my street on whatever roadsters could be dug up from the old toys found in my garage! I rode an old computer chair, comfort and fuckin' rad! All the neighbours were at their 1st floor windows, agape! One woman actually fainted from the excitement!
I've taken the bold decision to add candlestick-whittling to my list of considerable skillz! Seriously guys this candle I've got is defective I got it off a witch at a car boot sale when I was like 6 and the candle doesn't burn big enough to melt the whole thing so it just melts down the middle so eventually you can hardly see the flame! So every once in a while I have to take my blade and cut the sides down like some sort of melting hedge!
I totes love the big green soldier statue in the park! I am well up for the idea of going their late at night (not whilst the pikeys are around obviously I'm not mental) and seeing if I can dredge up the inspiration to write a poem about it! I've never written a poem that wasn't about a lady, but I am forever up for stretching my creative "talents" so to speak so if I ever do get around to writing it you can be sure to have your heartstrings pulled by its magestive majesty! I bumped my head on it as a child and feel a deep connection to it!
It's great when I want a third vodka and coke and don't have to pay for it, cos I already gots it in ma kitchen yo! #creativejuicesflowing
Also I'm going to release my own brand of perfumes, the names of which I've been spinning in my head until I was thoroughly intoxicated! I'm thinking of Dry Heave, Bile, and my personal favorite Greasy Kiss....pour Homme! Get your head around that "D"! You bitch!
bro
ReplyDeletedo u even lift
poems r 4 fags
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