Mystery, Intrigue and Romance - guaranteed

Big Daddy's In-Vest-igation - "Dear Big Daddy, recently I watched the documentary Megashark vs Giant Octopus and I'm wondering is the scene where the shark eats the aeroplane out of the air legit?






Natural History Museum - Ok so I went on my annual trip to the natural history museum. I like to go on a weekday as it means they'll be less screaming children about. I didn't factor into my plan that any day you go there seems to be a plethora of school trips with many screaming children, many of whom annoyed me by standing near me and overtly displaying their ignorance about stuff. A bunch of them were arguing about whether the spiders in a display were alive (a moment's looking showed they clearly weren't, but apparently it was worth having a loud argument about in my general vicinity).
Not that the ignorance on display was exclusively from the children. I was looking at one of the fossil remains of one of the large marine reptiles and a mother and her young child were walking by and I CLEARLY heard her say to him "they [the marine reptiles] are a type of dinosaur". I KNOW I COULDN'T BELEIVE IT EITHER!! I was shocked more rigid than the fossilised remains of the Ichtheosaurus I was perusing!
It's very clear she has never seen the BBC's Walking with Dinosaurs, where it makes it very clear that large marine reptiles are Completely Different from dinosaurs! It's about as accurate as saying 'a dog is a type of spaceship' or 'Kim Kardashian is a type of human being' (they'll be more Kim-bashing later, dont think I'm pulling out early).
This mother clearly hadn't paid any attention in the dinosaur exhibition where one of the first bits it is like 'DINOSAURS HAVE 4 LEGS' not 'A DINOSAUR IS BASICALLY ANYTHING OLD BUT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A CAT' Gosh it vexed me. I might have to call social services.
Other traumatic things happened, read on dear reader...
I also heard the almost unutterably vapid and moronic sentence "why is it so ugly? oh em gee let's get a selfie with it". Needless to say I almost vomitted with rage.

This led to me idly thinking up a superhero called Captain Darwin who could basically make idiots burst into flame with just the power of his glare. His powers may or may not be confined to the insides of museums and libraries.

Train Double-take - this story is less furious. I saw an attractive lady on the train today. I sort of half-looked up from my paper (that I took 2nd hand, I ain't payin' like a mug) and saw her across the cabin. Our eyes met for a split second before I thought 'hold on that story about Nigel Farage being an evasive moron looked compelling' and moved back to the paper - BUT before I had even got back to where I was reading I was like HOLD ON and threw the paper aside and rose to my feet dramatically, looking back her way. Anyway by this time she had left the carriage (and possibly called the police) and I was left, still single.

Kim Kardashian adoption - this is one of those annoying stories that's been pasted all over Facebook by moral-starved, low-life gossip-mongers. As usual the comments are as stupid as ever (see previous post for my opinion on comments in general) but anyway let me expliain. The link basically says 'Kim Kardashian offers to adopt a child from another country (as they're so in fashion these days - I mean they are THE accessory to be seen with when ur plastering ur photo-shopped arse all over the front page of some mag I've never heard of (which therefore puts into question it's real-life validity anyway)) and she said no!' 
So there are loads of comments saying 'Yeah good on her bruv!' and stuff to that effect. But if any of those neanderthals bothered to actually read the 'story' then they would find out that Kim never actually made an official offer and the reason the child gave for saying no wasn't because "Kim's a bit like school in July - NO CLASS" but that she would miss her friends/life in her home country. So it's not really worth lolling at Kim over it, it's more a "well...fair enough" kind of moment, which is about as enthralling as these stories actually get. 
The brutish mugs commenting were probably busy furiously masturbating over the ridiculous pictures of Kim naked on thexample of something that WAS worth researching as is much more interesting and relevant to life today). Anyway they got some of that clay and made her arse out of it then it hadn't dried. That was the point.
Also of note was the much more facinating way she manages not only to defy gravity by pouring the champage UP - yes, UP! - thene front of....I want to say Paper?...but is not worth the time to research this. Aside from her arse which looks, to me, like someone tried to make a weird caricature of Kim out of red clay - that they had left over from the terracotta army of Emperor Qin Shi Huang (a great  it curls round and goes into a glass balanced on her ludicrous backside! I hope this is a subtle hint to the low gravity on the comet that they recently landed on (out in space) and how the gravity would be much weaker on there. Again, not much research went into this theory. Maybe Kim loves science? We'll never know.
Anyway in response to the pictures of his wife acting like the intellectually-bankrupt moron she is, Kanye West did his trademark grumpy spoilt child look and...well i stopped caring at this point. He probably assaulted a pap or wrote some shite music.