Slating This, That and The Other because my opinion is important.

Let's get one thing straight away before I even say anything! This book is not fit for any child to read! It's so bloody miserable it's like the author was thinking, what's the most miserable plot I can think of for a child? Oh well the parents breaking up is pretty bad, let's start there...
But that's not quite enough, let's get both the parents to hate each other and bitch and fight the whole time so the child feels really miserable...
OH and let's make both the parents get together with complete knob-ends who also dont like the child!
AND THE STEP-SIBLINGS CAN BE THE BIGGEST TWATS YOU COULD IMAGINE!
Good now stick a colourful front cover on it and market it to young girls everywhere!




Ok now that's out of the way (that was the warm-up rant) I'd like to move on to an easier target.

It's name...is Tracey Beaker.

Sweet Jesus...

I guess there was the good side where they opened people imaginations to the idea of the helpful orphan character also being such a detestable sack of shit. I can't remember if they ever explain why her parents left her (they might be dead for all I know, the only thing that stands out is what a complete arsehole Tracey is) but anyway I think using my newfound detective powers I think it might have happened the same day she learnt how to speak and started mouthing off like a complete bitch. I bet the staff at the garage where they kept the unwanted children basically drank or cried themselves to sleep and the sweet relief of any possible time away from the spawn of satan. Literally I think she was brewed in a lab where they got some of Satan's spunk (or for those who want to use the scientific word - jism) and mixed it with the egg of a snake and garnished it in pure fucking hatefulness and then kept it in an incubater where it's heated by a bunch of goblins farting on it. Anyway that's how she came to be.

Ok I'm feeling pretty pumped up and spitting with anger now, I'm ready to take on what I see as quite a monstrous evil in itself.

Internet Debating. Or Internet 'Debating' as it should be called. More accurately it's just a bunch of people who are just about clever enough to slap a keyboard in the right order (or close enough) and they have their opinions - or 'facts' as they like to call them. OH! but don't they have some great opinions!

Everyone and their mother loves to 'debate' religion online, from the religion people themselves who enjoy putting stuff like "WELL THIS JUST GOES TO SHOW, GOD IS REAL" which is the equivalent of pouring fire on a pile of raw pettiness (which represents the scrap lumber in this scenario) and offering a box of matches to a nearby pyromaniac.
I'd like to make a bold step forward here and tell everyone, everywhere, that debating religion is utterly pointless. Because the bare fact is that nobody knows the truth behind the creation of everything and anyone who says they do is either a liar or will never be able to prove it. And those atheists who sneeringly say "WELL THAT PROVES GOD DOESN'T EXIST" are just the opposite side of the coin (the coin being a metaphor for...something clever).
But anyway what I would say if/when I rule the world is believe whatever you want, as long as it doesn't affect anyone else. Then everyone would be happy!

But one thing everyone who takes part in an internet debate forgets, as soon as they enter the fray, is that no-one gives a crap what they think! Because a whole lot of shouting takes place (or at least a lot of words in ANGRY CAPITOLS) but no-one has to hear whats said. In a face-to-face debate each side takes it in turns, but the internet debate is like a brawl with everyone just jostling and shouting and achieving nothing. Who has ever left an intenet debate with a feeling of 'yes i think i got my intelligent point across'. No, the only people who ever leave feeling satisfied are thinking 'hurr hurr hurr i called his mum a slag, that will show him'.

On another note, I think there should be a new post created within the House of Commons for one or two members of the general public (who grew up and were educated in the human world, rather than the cuckoo clock most MPs were brought up in)...a cuckoo clock, why? I dont know just keep going.
Well anyway yeah the job of these normal people would be to basically wait until one MP tried to 'burn' the opposing party. There are few things more annoying (just kidding there are many things more important but I want you all to give this song thought and get riled up)...NOTHING more annoying than when one politician makes some exceptionally lame joke at the other Party's expense and all of their own Party basically falls about laughing/applauding/going OOOOOOOO and waving their papers etc. The job of these members of the public would be to basically look unimpressed and patiently tell the offending MP that their burn wouldn't make a schoolgirl blush and everyone watching on tv just thought 'what a bellend'. Hopefully the MPs would step up their game and put some effort into their lame jibes from then on. #parliamentaryreform