Also reminds me I was writing a zombie story and had to think of some characters and I was like I'll make a guy called Bill who's a fireman. And Sam who was a vet...blah blah blah and I got to thinking - their character trait can't just start off as Fireman etc. Anyway that got me to thinking my job doesn't define me. So don't let it define you either. I mean don't let YOUR job define you, not mine. I mean don't let mine define you either. Just be yourself and be like when someone asks 'what do you do?' I'm like 'I live my life...MY WAY". Then the girl will leave and speak to someone who isn't such a try-hard.
Anyway what was I on about?
I was trawling through the detritus I keep witnessing on Facebook and have some stuff to complain about. What can I say, since the death of Dapperlaughs life feels so empty.
Even if you are an inbred (probably), moronic, climate-change-denying, homophobic scumbag, that does not give you the right to have your opinions (or facts as you falsely claim) listened to. Even if you are a hereditary peer who's name it isn't worth my remembering even though I only got cross about this less than half an hour ago! You've driven me to drinking alone, u monster! Even before I knew who you were you were driving me to alcoholism! You arse!
I mean it's bad enough that all the things I just said happen, but the fact that people actually go to see lectures performed by you, u bloody monkey! I mean it's like me going to see a pig talk about how not to get muddy by rolling around in the mud! I know! Pigs can't even talk! (That would be awesome)
I would also point out that the pig would probably be cleverer than this shit-peddler, LORD MONCKTON IS HIS NAME I REMEMBER NOW anyway but that wouldn't be that bad as pigs are well-known to be very clever animals. Though not clever enough, apparently, to learn how to not taste delicious.
Lord Monckton would probably taste like the shit bits of the pig that they make into McDonalds milkshakes. In fact I would find him less offensive if instead of talking he just sat over a bucket whilst a busty milk-maiden tried to extract milk from his teats. Why did she have to be busty? Oh I don't know, it's the usual done thing I thought? This sounds like another topic for an In-VEST-igation! Make a note. Who are you talking to? You of course! but I'm you! Get back to slating that bellend!
Yeah as I was saying this guy is more offensive than a steaming horse-turd! Apparently they don't actually smell that bad, and truth be told occasionally I'm driving through the countryside and you can smell it from ages away and I act all disgusted but secretly I'm like 'dat ain't bad' . Just a personal confession there, nothing really to do with Lord Monckton!
So I've compared him to horses, cows, pigs and monkeys. All excellent farmyard animals. I claim this as a point.
Anyway so back to what I was planning on talking about...Homphobia. As Christmas is just around the corner I got sidetracked thinking about Sanat Claus promoting gay rights with the caption saying 'Say No to Ho-Ho-Homophobia. Anyway -
So imagine this but I'm not all that homophobic myself. I even have some gay friends (COS I'M SO MODERN) no as if that's like some sort of thing to tick off, like ooh now all I need is a black friend and I'll have the whole set in my 'Be a really liberal guy' preparation kit.
Also I know that if you're smart enough to read this blog (you're probably a really good looking and cool person!) you already know how moronic things like homophobia or racism or sexism is.
OK imagine there's a man (or woman, this is the 21st century after all)
Wait are you suggesting there were no women before the 21st century?
I'm not a historian! Look it's not important!
Ok imagine there was a person called Sam...or Alex...or any name you like that could apply to both boys and girls. Anyway so this person grew up in a bubble and knows nothing about human interaction or prejudices etc. Then someone like this cock-fuck-stupid-wank-basket Lord Monckton comes alone and tried to explain why he hates homosexual people.
"It's unnatural!"
"But homosexuality occurs throughout all species of animals", replied the New Person.
"It's un-Christian!"
"What is Christianity?" asked New Person
"It's where a bunch of people all have an idea about why we're all here and how everything started and how to live their lives...broadly speaking"
"and this 'God' told you to love your neighbor, to judge not less you be judged, and gave you free will?" said the New Person.
"Well they won't be able to have children!"
"Oh, so they won't be able to have children and raise them in this country that you claim is already full up of immigrants?" replied the New Person (this point only really applied to Britain) "Also they can just adopt children, surely?"
"But then the children will be brought up gay too!"
"Why is this a problem? Imagine for a crazy minute that heterosexuality and homosexuality are both equally valid ways for a person to live. Every child should be given free reign to make their own decision - actually that's wrong because despite what many people believe, it's not a choice - not like your own prejudices that you choose to exercise. Everyone should be raised to believe that however they wish to live is up to them."
Then Lord Monckton wiped away a tear and was like that was beautiful, I will be a reformed man and stop being such an odious cretin.
Obviously that last bit was a joke (about Lord Monckton, not the whole raise kids to be themselves bit) as if you are ignorant enough to believe that you have any right to tell people how to live their lives, then you won't even pay attention to this, as you're clearly blind to the evidence of the real world - or it would have woken you out of your self-satisfied delirium years ago.
If you mindlessly hate people just for being different, then you'll always come across as a complete ass!
(Also, ass as in donkey, I've only gone and cleverly finished it with another farm animal)
