I work myself too hard I have an arguement with myself just so I win, then I celebrate my win with some alcohol then I keep drinking.

 "You don't know who Boba Fett is?"
"No. I'm more of a Star Wars kinda guy."

Bruce Willis you massive troll!

Actually I'd quite enjoy watching Bruce Willis in a film where is a Troll Hunter. An Internet-troll hunter!And for anyone out there who doesn't know what an internet troll is, it's basically code-word for "joker", "liar", "c*nt". In that order!

And I started my fruitarian diet, but I will still eat meat! Like today I gobbled down 2 bananas, 2 oranges and an apple, but complimented it with a ham sandwich! I could be a meal-creater, which is a new job I've made up, it's like a conducter for a restaurant kitchen where he (or she) decides what meals can be cobbled together! Need I say that when I finally got home I just started whoring myself on Hula Hoops and Vodka. But who hasn't been there?

I also took some saucy pictures of myself in the bath, and started listening to P!nk. I dont know if the two events are related? Maybe you can tell me. When I got home today I was like I'm tearing off my trousers (no unusual thing there you might think!) but this time I was like I'm not even going to bother putting on my LOUNGEWEAR I just sat around in my undergarments. If anyone's got a problem with that, they can leave a comment!

Also I had a terrifying moment whilst delivering pizzas where I thought if a zombie attacked me would I be able to press the lock button on my car door fast enough to avoid it grabbing my arm and biting me?! I mean it would be well scary-m8. What would I do first I wonder? Head home and get my collection of knives and lint, then roam the streets asking people why they are being so serious?Maybe not. I could probably use my money pot to kill a zombie or two! it weighs so much now it would do more damage than a swinging elephants testicle!

So Christmas is coming! I love it! I went out and did nearly all my shopping in one day yesterday and only got one present for myself! Watch this space later for more christmas related news!

HOLAA!!

Basically me after I get home from work, but this one has a less pronounced package. Fact.

Will nout inspire?!

I jumped out the shower and went straight down the shops. Was arrested for not getting dressed first.

So I haven't yet gotten around to learning the piano again, but I am still thinking about it! Last night instead what I did was emotionally craft beuty on facebook in the form of a lovely cartoon kettle. Should sell in a Brighton Lanes store on the front of a t-shirt for great amounts of currency.









Sure, you can't make out the full message, but I think I prefer "u can ca e t-f" and wonder what's going through the kettle's mind as he boils his brains  on whatever recreational drugs he can get his beefy hands on. What a stud. I'd do him.

So I finished reading a book the other day and it was like a crime thriller one, and then at the end there's a page about what happened after she marries the man she loves and it just for a few pages becomes rancorous porn! "He touched her nipples with with ice cubes, and put warm oil inside her. he carried on until she begged him to enter her..."

Phrooorr!

Person at work: "Excuse me, where is the [CENSORED]"
Me: "It is here!"
Person: "Thank you how helpful, what is your name?"
Me: "You'll never take me back to your village and make me your god!" *jumps through sheet glass window and away*
Person: "Wait! Come back!"
Me: "But it was too late, I was already narating the end of this segment".


Another incident at work...

Me: "Sorry, I think I spat on your face" *wipes off face*
Colleague: "Most people would just have said nothing. That's bravery"
Me: "And like that I made a new friend"
Colleague: "Who are you talking to?"

An update for all my readers, I have now put some clothes on. Also I was leaving the post office the other day and it was pissing it down so I was turning on my iPod (apologies for the product placement) and this "character" was leaving the place past me and was like OH EM GEE M8 IT'S LIKE PROPER PISSING IT DOWN!
I was like please I hope you're not talking to me. Luckily it turned out they were not. I DON'T GO TO THE POST OFFICE TO MAKE FRIENDS!