You can't spell Furious without 'us'

This blog, as you know, is called Let Thy Words Be Furious - which I adapted from a friend's blog called Let Thy Words Be Few, which in turn is from Ecclesiastes 5:2 in The Bible. Now I'm not a religious person but I understand the importance of religion. Gone are the days of studying in RE and from the very first lesson one or two people saying it was pointless to learn as they didn't want to become vicars. Regardless of whether or not you're religious, only the most ignorant of persons will dismiss all religions as irrelevant and unimportant. Wherever in the world you are, all civilisations possess some form of religion or another, and indeed religion is often one of the building blocks that helped to form modern life as we know it.
Nowadays in a lot of countries religion has been forced to take a back seat to money, business, technology and the like - a more physical and immediate reward system for our actions.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get to is basically, you all by now will have heard of the Paris attacks that occurred on the evening of Friday 13th, a couple of days ago. 127 people dead, more than twice that number wounded. A nation in mourning for three days. 1500 troops deployed within their capitol city. A curfew in place for the first time since 1944.
Luckily the international community were quick to the rescue and barely had the first bombs gone off nearby the Stade de France than the Facebook design team were hard at work designing a nice Tricolore for concerned users to put over their profile pictures so they could appropriately express their horror at the atrocities.
As IS militants stormed into a packed Bataclan concert hall and gunned down more than eighty music-lovers with their AK-47s, Twitter users the world over dusted off #prayfor and bolted Paris to the end of it and hey presto! The perfect instrument for connecting the grieving masses across the world.
Before the dust had even settled from the last suicide vest, message boards from one end of the internet to the other were lighting up with condolences, theories and blame.
Now I'm going to skip past the bit where I have to explain to you that not all Muslims are terrorists, since I flatter myself that all my readership are intelligent enough to work that out for themselves. And not all terrorists are Muslim, either, obviously. A week or so ago we celebrated Bonfire Night in the UK, and Guy Fawkes is probably the most famous terrorist in British history. Although fictional, The Joker from The Dark Knight is another example of a terrorist who wasn't a Muslim (that we know of).
But lo and behold every time a monstrous act of mass murder such as this happens the ignoramus' of the country rise up like a bad dog trying to steal food from the kitchen table and in turn by smacked on the nose by the more reasonable members of society with a metaphorical rolled up newspaper.

State of the Artless

I want you personally to be the first to know that I'm about to make some changes round here. I feel like there are big issues going on in our country and beyond that affect us all and that I would like to weigh in on said issues but I can't do so with a clear mind as I know I'm no expert on what's going on, only catching glimpses of the world stage on social media like Twitter and Facebook. So I could ramble on about these serious issues but in all honesty why should you read it? I mean I'm well aware only a dozen or so people did read my last offering so maybe I am exaggerating my own readership here - but then again it's a privilege to be listened to by anyone and this isn't something you should take for granted.
Because these days, with social media and the like, it is all too easy to get your message up to the fawning masses, and this isn't always a good thing. I mean, nearly everything is dressed up as fact but who knows what's really going on in the world? especially if like me you spend most of your life huddled in front of a screen gawping at whatever nonsense you're reading. Everyone who writes will try to draw you in, and nearly everyone has some agenda or angle they want to share with you. After all, where is the fun in simply writing out the bullet pointed facts of a story and letting people make up their minds about how to interpret it?
So anyway starting this week I'm planning on starting to purchase actual real-life newspapers and learning about what is genuinely going on in the world. Only which to buy? I've heard some are owned by Satan himself and others are loony lefties, who can give me a clear, unbiased view? The truth is that you can't. Or is that the truth just according to me? Probably! So all you can is filter out the rhetoric and the politicking, try to work out what actually happened and make up your own decision.
But anyway the thing to take away from this segment is that I'm going to try and make myself more aware and I'll pass the savings onto you!

On the subject of politics, here are some of my opinions: I believe that you will only ever get into a position of political power is if you are really rich, or a member of a political party, or preferably both! Think about it, a democracy is supposedly where everyone gets around in a nice circle and votes for who they want to be in charge. Everyone had an equal chance of getting in, provided they could convince the majority they were the best man or woman for the job. And i'm sure that worked fine in ancient Greece etc (come to think of it I'm sure they had their own problems but I just don't know anything about them) but nowadays we take that formula and add money! Pounds, dollah dollahs, euros, you get the picture! These days you either need a fortune to stand a chance of being elected or you need to join one of the main political parties where you have to tow the line and follow the rules of the party so are pretty restricted on what you can do if the party bosses don't like it! But in a country as big as any modern-day civilisation how can any one person possibly represent the wants and needs of 100,000 people? Plus in the broken voting system we so stubbornly cling to, in most circumstances the person representing every one of the constituents was not even the first pick of half of them! So how can he/she/it possibly represent them? Throw into that equation the fact that a lot of MPs are wealthy, self-serving cockends who are just as likely to make a big mistake as any idiot, only the average poor idiot isn't balancing 100,000 people's wellbeing on their narrow shoulders! Also take into account a lot of politicians have been trained from birth to be as out-of-touch as possible and also seem to be ingrained with the belief that their job is about making money and not giving a shit about the needs of people such as the poor/needy/foreigners. It's time we recognised that the system is broken and tore it down, corrupt fat-cats and all. Who had the great idea to put the rich on top and let them choose when they descended from their thrones to fly away in gold-plated jets paid for by the plebs?

It's time to wake up and read some opinionated drivel - so put that newspaper down and feast your eyes!

I'm having one of those nights where I can't sleep - it might have happened to you before so prepare to relate!
Despite brushing my teeth, my mouth still feels like I have yesterday evening's pizza stewing in it and I've drank a pint of water (with lemon and ice in it, #stayclassy) but it's done nothing to help. Anyway now it's 5:30ish and I thought oh well might as well ride this out and get an early night tonight! In the meantime I hope you can read this over breakfast (or for those of you who don't eat breakfast because it makes you feel sick to eat in the morning (even though it's the most important meal of the day) I hope you can read this whilst probably necking coffee and doing whatever you do in the morning) and hope it has a positive effect on your day.
Like me, you're probably thinking that whenever you can't sleep, the first thing that comes to sleep is the scene in Shrek 2 where he's in bed and can't sleep - it's a quality film if you've not seen it I'd ask what you've been doing with your life up until now? For those who have seen it, you're no doubt thinking back fondly on all the topkek moments and smiling to yourself, maybe giving an appreciative nod to yourself over your Cheerios too.
Cheerios are fairly vanilla for a breakfast cereal. Not that I've got anything against vanilla, really. If you get a good vanilla ice cream it's the bee's knees but generally when people say vanilla they mean to say it's pretty beige (which is never exciting). I prefer my breakfast cereal loaded with sugar, which some people might say is bad for me but it's better than eating stuff like Cheerios, Rice Krispies or Corn Flakes and sitting there wondering where it all went wrong?
Okay so I don't mind sharing with you all (all 2 or 3 of you who will still be reading at this point, but fair point the dissing of Corn Flakes was pretty controversial, though frankly if you're going to make an issue of it then you're uninvited from reading on - go on, get out!)....so i don't mind telling you I had a dream of a sexual nature about someone I know, recently. Whereas the proper reaction upon waking from a sex dream is either "That was a nice dream", or in my case just to hug myself and feel the foreveraloneliness, I think it's a sign of me getting older than in this dream the sex part lasted only for the very start of the dream and then it went on to her coming up to me afterwards and telling me she was pregnant, then me worrying about having to get a better job and worrying about money. It went from awesome sex dream to terrible anxiety nightmare in the space of a few minutes!
I don't know if I was just experiencing Monday Morning Blues yesterday but I felt the compunction to just leave my 9-5 desk-job and get an easy evening job to tide me over and in the meantime spend my days doing creative things and trying to find a passion for something! I mean I love to create things but I feel whilst working full-time I have no time to explore what I could be missing out on - for instance every day I drive past (or get stuck for ages behind) some people out cycling first thing in the morning, and I'd love to be able to just be able to get up and go out and enjoy the day!

Have a good day!

You can't just refer to someone as 'Nice Face' - oh do be quiet, Big Nose!

I was driving into work this morning with a distinct sighing feeling - people have reassured me that it was just a Monday Feeling and would fade...presumably until next Monday and come back every Monday for the rest of my life! That's one day in seven forever that I'm doomed to be miserable on! What's up with that? Anyway this morning was worse than usual - I'm sounding very moribund atm I realise that perhaps I should get to the point. I did actually say to someone 'is this all there is?' and that's not good! But I am starting to feel that I am stuck at work for 90% of the time, not fulfilling my potential (and as anyone who's read my blog will have worked out by now, I am nothing if not a winner!) and still no clear idea of what I really want to be? I want to feel like I'm making a difference, not be prodded back and forth for the sake of procedure, get paid enough to live comfortably AND have plenty of time to myself.

It's lately become more plain that I have no solid gang of reliable mates anymore - I thought to myself today 'I know, a trip to the pub with some mates would cheer me up' then I thought who to invite? A year or so ago it would have come easily to me, half a dozen reliable and available guys and gals to have a jolly with. But now? Have they all moved on without me? Perhaps, perhaps not. Some have gone off to uni, some are in relationships so essentially dead, and some are just so desperately unreliable it beggars belief. Only yesterday I was messaged by someone asking what I was doing that evening, so I messaged back saying I was free...no reply for the rest of the evening! I mean what was the point in even asking?
I also have a friend who, for some unknown reason, insists on referring to me as 'kid' in her messages. It's always 'what're you up to, kid' or 'how're you doing, kid?' even though I've told her more than once I think it's irritating. We don't live in Modern Family, or Sex & the City, or wherever she heard it said, so quit acting like it! Plus I'm older than you, so quit patronising me! The same as when people say 'how's tricks?' i mean what the fuck does that even mean? You want me to perform a trick? I'm not a dog or some monkey or magician, what tricks do you                                                           think I have to tell you about?

On a cheerier note - I went to a friend's gig on Friday night and there were under-18s there! (I dont mean to say that made it a great night, I'm not a child-kidnapper) I'm going to get onto the point - so my friend's band were the only one playing that I found at all bearable - the other two bans I was subjected to were all screamy metal noise bands - like what we all used to like in our early teens! (I say 'we', obviously I have never liked this stuff - my music tastes revolve around anything with a bombastic tune, or something I can sing to, or both!) I've never ever seen the appeal of having some musicians just make as much noise as possible whilst the flopping-haired singer just grunts and coughs into a microphone for song after song - OH YEAH THIS ONE'S CALLED I HATE MY PARENTS! and basically they were doing what they do on stage and all the tweens were standing about in gloomy garb or getting off with their significant others - though due to the amount of eyeliner/hair product being used it was impossible to tell where one started and the other began! The general consensus was the whole experience made me and my friends feel very old.

Here's a thing - professional impersonators! What IS the point of them! These people who claim to look like celebrities actually charge gullable fools to hire them for stuff! I don't get what you would need that for, unless you're planning to kidnap the real-life celebrity and replace them with a body-double! I get it for stuff like tribute acts and the like, but for non-performers you'd be like "Oh here's David Beckham!" then a second later everyone would be like..."It looks a bit like him but it's not him". And you could get your picture taken with him and everyone would be like omg I cant beleive you got your picture taken with....oh                                                           hold on it's not him...you're weird.

I've seen a lot of these links (See all my previous rants on 'click-bait') that are like "The miracle pill that's putting gyms out of business" or "The 5 Secrets Casinos don't want you to know!" and I'm like, if these so-called secrets etc are so amazing why are you giving them away for nothing? Also why isn't it in the news that Gyms up and down the country and closing after people discover these 'life-hacks' (another stupid phrase) all it is desperate attention-grabbing tactics to make you look at their offering and hopefully see the advertisements crawling all over it like the kitchen table at an orgy!

That's your allotted time.

Upbeat, then goes into my ongoing word-war on buzzfeed, then rage at the media,

Just finished watching The Love Punch, a quality upbeat film about a middle-aged couple stealing a huge diamond, left me feeling a deep urge to just up and go on an adventure. I'd down my drink, take my feet out of this bubbly foot-bath and hit the road!
Just because I don't take buzzfeed's advice and cry or die at every little thing i see it doesn't make me emotionally repressed, does it? And nothing they've ever done has changed my life, unless you could the fact that the 'me' that comes out of the magic experience of seeing whatever they've literally dredged up from the deeps of world shit, is only different from the me that went in because I'm about 30 seconds closer to the grave (or maybe add a bit more as my soul would be a bit more crushed from the tedium). Of course that's only if it's a really interesting thing (contradiction in terms though that sounds), if it's a normal one it would only take a couple of seconds of my attention before I go back to thinking about important things like, oh I don't know....colours?
and WTF is up with these stupid stupid STUPID quizzes?! What.....+struggles to think of something amusing AND outside the box+....+embarrassing...I got told I was quick the other day (and not in the bedroom, for a change)+....anyway it's what BLANK are you, based on these stupid multiple-choice questions dreamt up by someone who once had dreams but is now nothing but a stupid-haircut-wearing, probably wears jeans too low and has some sort of hipster top on ironically cos he thinks it's funny...god I hope he goes and plays in the traffic. Anyway yeah answer these dumb questions and you can find out what member of Girls Aloud's haircut you were in another life. Nailed it.
ONE MORE THING << for the less-informed of my readers...or reader...that was clearly a reference to Jackie Chan Adventure, the earth-shatteringly amazing cartoon show from when I was younger.
My cat is tortoiseshell coloured, so for those who don't know: that's quite dark. And I'm not about to go off on some racist tangent here so I don't want any outspoken 'do-gooder' standing up for minority cats because I'm going to say it here and now - cats are pretty dickish, whatever colour they come in. For instance there's this white-supremacist cat up the street, always prowling around the garden doing who-knows-what - anyway so my dark-coloured cat likes nothing more than lying across the top of the stairs in the dark waiting for someone to trip over her! Then she'll sit on you, purring whilst she digs her claws in and then molts all over my white sofa!
I often get told I was born in the wrong decade, usually whilst watching some quality comedy film about the 60s, 70s or 80s (often during a disco scene) and I often think about how those people, are they happier because they're actors in a film, or is it because back in those days people were so less aware of the wider world. I don't mean they were idiots (though sure a lot of them were, like there are idiots today too (some of them are the same ones in fact!)) but anyway it's just that they didn't have such an almighty media machine constantly pumping them full of worldwide information! All they had was the broadsheets (and back in them days they were broader than - oh I dont know, yo moma!) and really starchy radio-presenters!
So today we have hundreds of newspapers, radio stations, tv channels and the internet all telling us the true facts of what's going on elsewhere. Only none of it is the full truth - some of it isn't even any of the truth. All of it is there to serve someone's agenda. Some we know of, some we don't, but it gets to the point where some people know how fake and/or opinionated a lot of the media is so don't even know what to believe anymore! So then you're like 'well why pay attention to any of it, why not just assume everything's shit?!' Which I think it fair enough, as it's a philosophy I just thought of.
And things were just better back then! I remember the 80s....actually I dont as I was born in 1990 but I remember the other day when I was watching Live Aid on Youtube and Mick Jagger wore...wait for it...a red t-shirt! I mean you just couldn't get away with that shit these days! These days you have to wear either some sort of merange/battery-powered giraffe costume that breathes fire, or else nothing at all, to get noticed! It's because these days people have no attention-span so you need to grab them by the neck, hold their eyes and ears open and inject your shitty dogma on them then kick them down and remind them they're shit! shit SHIT I SAY!
Instead of finding a nice picture to end this with, I spent 15 minutes watching the best of Malcolm Tucker, so I will instead say 'Fuckity-Bye!' and leave it at that.

Oh okay here's a nice picture of a train

Episode V - For Vendetta, The Spellcheck Strikes Back. Also I talk bluntly about pornography that my friend watched.

I'm back in Burgess Hill now, I've had to abandon my Hove flat as I was unable to keep myself in the manner to which I'd become abandoned so basically had to dump myself as my girl-self's Dad wasn't satisfied with how my boy-self was treating me as a woman...yeah?

Anyway so I'm back in Burgess Hill so won't have to consign myself to my tablet and it's stupid touch-screen keyboard - it's back to it's rightful place of being used as a pricey paperweight that I occasionally watch Youtube on.

How I used to do these blogs was simply get wasted and then write whatever came to mind, then there was a stage where I'd note down things that occurred to me that I thought were amusing and then regurgitating them onto this later - whilst not as fresh I felt it wasn't fair on you readers to miss out on a single thought that passes through my mind.

What I enjoy doing the most is writing stories, they don't often have an ending but they basically revolve around me thinking 'oh that would be cool' and then stop as soon as the cool bits stop, with no satisfying conclusion but blah blah blah

ANYWAY tonight I've got a few things on my notepad - plus I've written down some dreams I've had recently so strap on and get ready for a ride you'll never forget (sufferers of Alzheimer's are exempt). Before I start, i should tell you that if you get confused as to all the references of 'man-raiding', it refers to the time of year when amorous women 'equip' themselves with strap on dildos and go out hunting men. It's a real thing.

I recently became acquainted with the song 'In The Summertime' by Mungo Jerry (who is worth checking out if only for the puzz sideburns - fyi I just made up the word Puzz, but I guarantee you thought for a second "am i not down with the kids? i...when did this happen?" Anyway in this musical masterpiece there is a member of the band literally blowing raspberries into a big moonshine bottle - now that kind of excellence just isn't around anyway (it might be but I mean I haven't seen it in my day-to-day life)

So I was reminded of this song, cos who hasn't ever heard it somewhere?, after watching Despicable Me 2 and it's playing when all the kidnapped Minions are on the tropical island, and it got me to thinking the Minions are one of those phenomena that are being plastered all over our faces by the beloved trend-setting...buzzfeed sorta things, you know what I mean? THE ESTABLISHMENT, anyway so normally I'm like ergh bore off (btw 'bore off' is a bloody stupid phrase, avoid using it) so normally I don't like things being thrust down my throat but with the Minions I'm like yeah I can definitely swallow this. They are some good stuff, and i enjoyed the Minions movie, and of course love both Despicable Me's.

So the other day in my flat I think I was cooking some burgers and so obviously it was full of smoke and I was thinking maybe I could invent something to keep the smoke out of my eyes? Obviously it would need to be see-through so I could observe my burgers, but at the same time not let the smoke in. Inspiration struck me! Anyway it was at that moment that I realised that goggles did actually exist already - but I bet that the person who did invent them (other than me) went through pretty much the same thought-process.

Hey I'm listening to the Beatles again! Recently my iPod did the miraculous thing and compress all the songs I had on it to about half the file size! So for ages I'd been squeezing about 1800 songs onto 16 GBs but then my PC had a spaz out and spent the better part of a day converting all the files to a smaller type - I've no doubt a boffin could explain this techno-sorcery, but I was afraid to ask one as I was fully engrossed in dancing round the PC naked with my rain-stick out. Anyway so I'm listening to the Beatles now as I had 'unticked' them so they weren't taking up iPod space that was being used by hotter, younger artists, but now there's room for them again so that's nice.

A few of my posts recently have been a bit like 'SOMEONE COMPLAINED MY BLOGS ARE TOO LONG SO I'M GOING TO STOP NOW' but not tonight! Tonight i'm going to carry on until I literally fall over! I've a great dream to tell you about, plus I want to ask your thoughts on what the best phrase to get tattooed onto one's penis would be? I think I would go with 'wash before use'  - though someone clever would obviously just say something like 'oh i could fit a whole sentence on mine, it's THAT LONG' - now I'm basically just having a conversation with myself so don't bother sending in your opinions.

I was thinking the other day, is it odd that whenever I think to myself 'I wonder what a conversation between two people I know would be like when I'm not in the room?' my first thought is, well they're probably talking about me, right?

They should make a television show where a bunch of teams get together, create a porno, then get judged by a bank of judges who are complete wankers (this time, quite literally!)...this idea would have to be put on tv quite late at night. And the contestants know that each of the judges are looking for different things, one is interested in the story behind why these people are having sex, another is looking at whether it portrays the lady (or ladies) in a positive light and another is looking for something that I haven't thought of yet. A friend of mine told me he was watching pornography the other day and he (or she) was surprised at how little face-time the guy gets, and wondered if this would affect his standing in the pornography-world - is it his face they're interested in or just his gentleman's area?

Another friend overheard and was like 'A friend of mine said she (just to mix it up a bit) was watching a porno the other day where the story is basically a lady with distractingly huge breasts and is wearing unsuitable clothing for that time of year calls a pest-control man round to deal with a duck in her garden, and for some reason they start getting intimate and throughout the whole thing you could hear the duck quacking in the garden'...that's what my friend said. yeah anyway the third judge would enjoy it all to be a bit tongue in cheek! Sometimes literally!

One thing I've noticed is some people (or it might just be one person and I'm trying not to point a really obvious finger) is people putting Facebook updates where it's like 'Just been to the....park(?) with my man' WITH MY MAN, I don't know why this bothers me so much, it's a bit like me (or someone equally cool) putting 'just banged ma bitch' except less obvious therefore you should be more offended as they're trying to make out you're stupid! Be angry! 

Basically what I'm trying to say if he's such a man why is he wearing his jeans around his ankles and taking moody selfies of himself in front of the mirror after getting his weird curly quiff just right?

Why do people take moody pictures of themselves anyway? it's weird! You look like Kanye West doing his impression of a grumpy toddler, except less ludicrously wealthy! And what about that picture I saw of someone taking a selfy with their dead grandma when she was in her coffin? Or people who dress up smart for a funeral and take a selfy? Wtf is wrong with these people? Or people who mourn someone publicly on Facebook? The person you're mourning isn't on Facebook! Why do you feel the need to air that kind of stuff on such an impersonal forum? Hey, my relative just died, better tell everyone I went to school with years ago!

The thought that people who die go to the afterlife and Facebook is there has depressed me. I often think maybe I should give up the social media and the fancy phone and all the phone bills/time it would save me. But then I leave my phone in the other room for 15 minutes and start twitching because I haven't checked the Twitter and there might be a funny update from 'Give Me Internet' or 'Simpsons Quote of the Day' which are two of the few reasons I do Twitter, it certainly isn't to keep up to date with anyone I actually know!

And I have run out of steam! In response to all the fan-mail I receive - No, you fuck off!

 Here's that picture!

Swagger, Click-Bait and my Voice

So i was swaggeringalong the street just now and although i looked great i caused some congestion behind me as i was taking up a lot of pavement.  So i thought well anyone behind me is probably fighting the temptation not to join in the fun so wheres the issue?

Which leads me smoothly back to the issue of the phenomena of Facebook 'click-bait'. I don't understand the point of it I mean I saw just now a link that said how many squares are there? 99 percent of people get this wrong,  and it has a picture of some waffles to entice the bored to explore this incredible waste of time.  Obviously, i thought,  the answer is 'it doesnt matter'  because let's face it, it doesn't matter. I mean sure they dress it up behind some fascinating sociological study but reallydo we care? if someone came up to you in the street and presented you with this or with any of the othergarbage you see on these links you would frankly tell them where to go. they all reek of the sort of publications that are just desperate to catch your eye so you click on them and arebombarded with advertisements, hidden in the depths of which in concealed the paltry item that you never had a genuine interest in reading but only clicked on to alleviate the boredom whilst you wait for the pornography to load on the other tab... Or so i've read... 

I've only just discovered the voice recognition software on my tablet which really helps to counter the arse-ache that is using the touch pad keyboard on this blasted contraption. I just hope that my neighbour isn't being freaked out by the sound of me speaking very clearly and pronunciating in an over the top manner. 

since I have been informed that these posts are too long (although I think that says more about the attention spans of some of my readers) I will leave it at that! 

Ta ta!