Part 3, where the mystery and plot comes as close as it's going to to developing - and we discover who's mum is a slag

As I stepped out into the street and looked around for Salmonella (my eyes lingered on the Johns Brothers' Raw Chicken Guzzle Shack across the road) and saw the hem of her skirts disappear around a bend in the road. I pursued as fast as my legs could carry me and soon came face to face with Old Father Boa, who was the local preacherman and occasional crossdresser - who my expert eye assessed was wearing enormous skirts that was just of a similar fashion to Mrs Bathwater's own. I was understandably perturbed so backed away slowly...right into the arms of a shadowy figure dressed in rags who let out a grumbling moan! A zombie!

Okay so it wasn't a zombie. It was a lost pensioner who had been wandering the streets since the early hours and who was more or less agreeable to the idea of accompanying me on my adventure to find Mrs Bathwater. He had raggedy flared trousers and big circular glasses like what John Lennon wears in those photos where he's scowling - you know the one. He also had long grey hair and a jacket made of hemp, he was a right flower child. He said I could call him Elderflower and I could tell just from looking at him that he had some fabulous stories - that I had no interest in hearing. Also he smelled of the drugs.

So Elderflower and I were walking down the street and there's still no sign of Salmonella anywhere but I am growing uneasy because i know a woman that size doesn't just disappear into thin air, more likely she disappears into an all-night cake shop. I was aware that that's probably not a thing so we walked until we reached the edge of town. Elderflower began whooping and chanting and dancing round a tree, so as I got ready to put his lead back on and walked over to him, I noticed on the tree someone had scratched a message into the bark - Apparently José's mum is a slag. But below that message was ANOTHER message! It read:

Bring a thousand 'dollerydoos' to 129 Old Hill Road by midnight or SB gets the shit beaten out of here. Message is continued on next tree'

Elderflower cocked his head at me and I scratched my chin in contemplation. I knew dollerydoos was Australian for pounds sterling, but where would I get some dollerydoos at this time of night?