Smashed off my tits

Ok so here's the diamond truth, I am smashed off my face from too much beer pong, in which I had to digest some mean spirits and I'nm like whaaaaat?
First off lwet me hit you wioth some home truthes.]
Over a yeatr ao I started this blog with the sole purpose of gettuing a cheap leaugh by pariody-ing a friend of mine who did a blog that was welll depressing! Goodness knows what she (or he) was hinking when they wrote whjat they wrote but basicallt i thought it would be good to blast it with some satire. Thsi same friend i told last year that she was one of the greatest and most beautiful women I'd ever met and that i had huge amoutns of love for her. That#'s jusgt how it goes sometimes, if u have trouble expressing yourself through any other way u use sarcasm an d whatecvern else tog et ur message across
econd, 'mn been watchign a lot of Parks and Rec lately and I totally adore Ron Swanson. I mean he's the absolute man. |He beleives in small government and although that is quite an Am3erican phrase it basically translates into 'hey goverment, stay ion the background and let us do whar we wannna doo!'
So i've been une,plotyed since November aqnd it's starting to grate on me how much my familt are pressing me to KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO CAREER-WISE even though i totally dont know! I mean I#d love to be a private detevtive but how the fuck does that even happen?
I've offered the job of secretary to all my gorgeous lady-friends buy until I solve the case of the haunted amusement park how's anyone going to take my seriusoiy?
I met a fabulously gorgous lady last night at a friend's gig and added her on facebook but she hasn't accepted me. should i take this as a chance that i will die al;one? Who knoiws but i do knwo that one of my mates said I shoulsdn't tell my mate that she's one of the top 3 most wonderful women I've ever knowns, but i dont see how that is anytrhingbutn a compluiment? UI mean let's get some fedbakc her, shall we? My mate then said that this other mate is jst jelous thatshe herself is not part of my top hree mos wondeerful laduies ever? I eam  wgar am i ever talkingf about at this piouiot?
So h's here another thing, why do the newspapers bother pytting a new headline when they could just say "goverment fucks over human beings' every day?
Time for my to go to sleep!
BOOM BIOOOM!