Budgeting. There's a word I don't like. It means I might have to spend less money on prawns - which is a food-type that I do like! Plus I must stop buying so many shots of tequila whenever I go out drinking. Good thing I have a bottle of tequila in my cupboard for emergencies!
I told everyone that I would use my week off this week to go to the local popular-brand coffee emporium and write my novel. This was a lie, as I've said in the past that the sort of people who do that are probably just in there to use the free wifi because they're too poor to pay for it themselves BECAUSE they spend all their money on over-priced coffee! A cruel circle that clearly leads only to a lonely death by heart-explosion (from too much coffee). You know, unless you meet one of the many women who also frequent those kinds of places. Perhaps this is why I'm so alone? My not getting on the coffee bandwagon when they became cool fashion accessories! Maybe I need more accessories in my life?
My mum said the other day that I wasn't trendy because I was borrowing some CDs off her and didn't own them myself. I replied that the very fact that I didn't follow on with such trends made me trendy.
My image - something I think I've probably struggled with my whole life. I often look back and cringe at the guy I was at school, wasting my time pursuing girls who had no interest in me and trying to impress people who these days I would think are assholes. I think if I could go back as my past self's guardian angel then that would be rad. Basically tapping my past self on the shoulder every 10 minutes and saying 'Don't do what I know you're about to do'. So much face could have been saved, but I guess a lot of people wish that! I'd be like 'Dont bother going after that girl, she won't like you back and you end up just wasting a lot of time and feelings on what is really a one-way thing' and it just was like that on repeat for my entire school-life. At the time I didn't really understand why I was one of the only people in school who never ever got attention from girls, but now I look back and am not really surprised. I think I was a bit too desperate to please the people I saw as cool, instead of just accepting myself as myself and being happy with that! Sadly now although I've gotten over a lot of my insecurities I've put on a lot of weight so am naturally out of the running for getting a girlfriend anyway! Oh my life!
So I was setting up my tinder account and my friend was getting dozens and dozens of matches but I've had it over a year now and got about 10 or so, only one of which led to a date but no further as I 'seem like a really cool guy but there was no chemistry' - I don't see the problem, does she not want to be with a really cool guy? So all of my other matches are either 'bots, people who never reply, or we chat briefly then they just stop-
I'm aware there is pre-agreed etiquette for these internet dating sites. My friend said 'you need to have a picture of you out and about, and one of you with a dog, girls will like that' and so on and so on! Spare me these rules! I may be late to the party but these days I play by my own rules! It may not be producing results but maybe I can just get a tattoo of a lone wolf and accept this is the lifestyle I've chosen!
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