"You talking about your face?!" LOL
"No, smoking!"
Hilarious lolz that carry a serious health warning. Then we went on to say how some penises have their end centimetre made up entirely of 'dick cheese'. That's when the conversation got a bit low-brow.
Then I had an idea.
Announcing the return of Peter Geist and the Cricklebury Police Department in:
Peter Geist and the Mysterious case of Mystery! (feat. Wyclef Jean)
It was a dark and stormy night. According to UKIP this was due to immigrants but PC Geist was PC in more ways than one and didn't hold with such tittle-tattle. He said as much to his close friend Wyclef Jean.
"I say, Wyclef Jean, I don't hold with this theory I am reading in this here. It says the author is just reusing the same beloved characters and jokes from the last epic adventure, except with the odd cameo from a well-known celebrity!"
"I think that unlikely" replied Wyclef (Jean) with a knowing look in his eyes.
"Well that's good then" couter-replied Geist, in a manner Wyclef Jean knew meant that the author was running out of ideas for this scene.
In the next scene, Geist was floating down the street on his way to the newsagents to get his favourite pornographic magazine, Ghost Rider. It combined Ghost-sexy-times, motorbikes and Nicholas Cage.
I went and had a bath whilst listening to some Simon Amstell stand-up material on youtube, it was very therapeutic. Now I'm wearing nought but a towel.
Anyway back to Geist, but this time I will insert a plot. Let me think of one - OK I have one! Also there is no more Wyclef Jean.
Geist let the papers fall from his ghostly hand, where they fluttered to the station floor. "I can't believe it" he excaimed. "Wyclef Jean, missing!?"
"That's right, Peter. I received this ransom note from kidnappers saying he'll be Gone Till November at least!" Big Chief Hairyback was not at all pleased. "Someone has to find him! He was supposed to be performing here at the Cricklebury super-stadium and as soon as people find out about him missing they will be clamouring for a police response with A Million Voices!"
"I don't get it, chief. According to everyone we've asked he was the Perfect Gentleman!"
"Well it might be time to get out there and crack some head and whatnot, whatever you rogue police officers do!"
Geist frowned. This was going to impact upon his evening plans with the delightful Miss Cricklebury 2013. Plus the narrator had already said that Wyclef Jean wasn't in this blog anymore, so the chances of fighting him were slim. He decided to go with his gut and went to the newly opened Cricklebury branch of that most popular of nightclubs, the Sequinned Rim, where this story really begins!
Geist was wearing his best suit and second best smile as Miss Cricklebury 2013 stepped into the bar area and cast a warm smile in his direction. Geist could tell at a glance she was all woman. He hadn't sensed such raw sexual potency since he'd validated his free weekend at the local bowels lawn for the over 60s. Nervously adjusting his novelty Ghostbusters tie and hoping he didn't cover the good woman in his own premature ectoplasm, he stood and up and approached her.
At this stage you have about as much of a clue as to where this is going as I do.
Big Chief grunted and turned to the rest of the room. "Well it seems Geist isn't taking this case after all! Which one of you lackwits wants this Wyclef Jean nonsense?"
One after the other the policeman looked guiltily to the next man in line. This case looked about as attractive as Miss Cricklebury 1913 before she'd put her makeup on in the morning, and the Chief knew it. He picked someone at random and bellowed "YOU THERE! You can do this for me?"
"Erm, Gov...That's your own reflection" pointed out Officer Chuckles from where he sat with his feet up on his desk. As Big Chief turned from the full-length mirror he'd been expostulating at, he saw one of the young detectives who didn't warrant a funny name creep up on Chuckles and pull Chuckles' chair out from under him. But Chuckles didn't fall, he just remained exactly as he was! It was effing hilar!
"Well" said Hairyback as the station fell about in hysterics at the humour on display, "I'm still going to take this case myself! I haven't done any real hands-on police work since I fingered that entire gang at the over 60s bowels club for running onto the lawns and grabbing the other players' balls!".
And thus was the scene set for what could only be described as the sequel to the previous filthy adventures of Geist and the kru!
And here is a picture of a magic cat
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