"Nothing is deep anymore!" -audible gasps, then some idiot whispers "wow that's deep". NO IT ISN'T!

So I've been trying my hand at getting in on the internet dating scene what all the kids are raving about (whatever 'raving' means) anyway I went on one date with this lovely girl -but then she said there was no chemistry so I went home and cried and wanked - anyway so anyway on Tinder you get several pictures to put up blah blah blah anyway so my mate pointed out that he didn't want to get with any lady who had a kid so he said it was always very risky for a lady (or gent, come to that matter) to put up a picture of themselves with a child in it, just in case the opposite sex looking at their pictures were scared away (or, as my friend has just said "in case they fancied children").

How many people became Bird Watchers after being caught searching for 'Great Tits' on their PC?


Schindler's Lisp - the shocking story of one man's struggle to make Nazi prison camp guards understand which Jews he wanted.
Schindler's Slit - the shocking story of one man's struggle to write a list whilst battling dyslexia.
Schindler's Wrist - the shocking story of one man's struggle against repetitive strain injury whilst writing a long list.
Schindler's Pissed - the shocking story of one drunk man's struggle to wrist a legible list.

I just got ridiculed for referring to my 'friend's massive metal dildo as - well I cant even remember what i called it, but apparently it's called HEAVY METAL. True story.

Loan Shark vs Dr Octopus - The terrifying story of Dr Octopus....well I don't really know what would happen, but I assume it would be great.

Illegal Alien vs Sexual Predator - the terrifying story of a gang of illegal immigrants as they follow clues on the hunt for a monstrous rapist and murderer. This actually sounds promising.

"What is a Solange?"
"It's Beyoncé's sister"
"And what does it do?"

On tinder:
Say no to that one! she has a weird name!
What, Siobahn?
Yeah it's weird.
Why is it not spelt any way at all like how it sounds?!
What do these women even want from their lives?
These women are all morally bankrupt!


I recently told a friend that her mother doesn't know how to use a chair as she spends all her time sitting on men's cocks! She was suitably upset.