It's time to wake up and read some opinionated drivel - so put that newspaper down and feast your eyes!

I'm having one of those nights where I can't sleep - it might have happened to you before so prepare to relate!
Despite brushing my teeth, my mouth still feels like I have yesterday evening's pizza stewing in it and I've drank a pint of water (with lemon and ice in it, #stayclassy) but it's done nothing to help. Anyway now it's 5:30ish and I thought oh well might as well ride this out and get an early night tonight! In the meantime I hope you can read this over breakfast (or for those of you who don't eat breakfast because it makes you feel sick to eat in the morning (even though it's the most important meal of the day) I hope you can read this whilst probably necking coffee and doing whatever you do in the morning) and hope it has a positive effect on your day.
Like me, you're probably thinking that whenever you can't sleep, the first thing that comes to sleep is the scene in Shrek 2 where he's in bed and can't sleep - it's a quality film if you've not seen it I'd ask what you've been doing with your life up until now? For those who have seen it, you're no doubt thinking back fondly on all the topkek moments and smiling to yourself, maybe giving an appreciative nod to yourself over your Cheerios too.
Cheerios are fairly vanilla for a breakfast cereal. Not that I've got anything against vanilla, really. If you get a good vanilla ice cream it's the bee's knees but generally when people say vanilla they mean to say it's pretty beige (which is never exciting). I prefer my breakfast cereal loaded with sugar, which some people might say is bad for me but it's better than eating stuff like Cheerios, Rice Krispies or Corn Flakes and sitting there wondering where it all went wrong?
Okay so I don't mind sharing with you all (all 2 or 3 of you who will still be reading at this point, but fair point the dissing of Corn Flakes was pretty controversial, though frankly if you're going to make an issue of it then you're uninvited from reading on - go on, get out!)....so i don't mind telling you I had a dream of a sexual nature about someone I know, recently. Whereas the proper reaction upon waking from a sex dream is either "That was a nice dream", or in my case just to hug myself and feel the foreveraloneliness, I think it's a sign of me getting older than in this dream the sex part lasted only for the very start of the dream and then it went on to her coming up to me afterwards and telling me she was pregnant, then me worrying about having to get a better job and worrying about money. It went from awesome sex dream to terrible anxiety nightmare in the space of a few minutes!
I don't know if I was just experiencing Monday Morning Blues yesterday but I felt the compunction to just leave my 9-5 desk-job and get an easy evening job to tide me over and in the meantime spend my days doing creative things and trying to find a passion for something! I mean I love to create things but I feel whilst working full-time I have no time to explore what I could be missing out on - for instance every day I drive past (or get stuck for ages behind) some people out cycling first thing in the morning, and I'd love to be able to just be able to get up and go out and enjoy the day!

Have a good day!

You can't just refer to someone as 'Nice Face' - oh do be quiet, Big Nose!

I was driving into work this morning with a distinct sighing feeling - people have reassured me that it was just a Monday Feeling and would fade...presumably until next Monday and come back every Monday for the rest of my life! That's one day in seven forever that I'm doomed to be miserable on! What's up with that? Anyway this morning was worse than usual - I'm sounding very moribund atm I realise that perhaps I should get to the point. I did actually say to someone 'is this all there is?' and that's not good! But I am starting to feel that I am stuck at work for 90% of the time, not fulfilling my potential (and as anyone who's read my blog will have worked out by now, I am nothing if not a winner!) and still no clear idea of what I really want to be? I want to feel like I'm making a difference, not be prodded back and forth for the sake of procedure, get paid enough to live comfortably AND have plenty of time to myself.

It's lately become more plain that I have no solid gang of reliable mates anymore - I thought to myself today 'I know, a trip to the pub with some mates would cheer me up' then I thought who to invite? A year or so ago it would have come easily to me, half a dozen reliable and available guys and gals to have a jolly with. But now? Have they all moved on without me? Perhaps, perhaps not. Some have gone off to uni, some are in relationships so essentially dead, and some are just so desperately unreliable it beggars belief. Only yesterday I was messaged by someone asking what I was doing that evening, so I messaged back saying I was free...no reply for the rest of the evening! I mean what was the point in even asking?
I also have a friend who, for some unknown reason, insists on referring to me as 'kid' in her messages. It's always 'what're you up to, kid' or 'how're you doing, kid?' even though I've told her more than once I think it's irritating. We don't live in Modern Family, or Sex & the City, or wherever she heard it said, so quit acting like it! Plus I'm older than you, so quit patronising me! The same as when people say 'how's tricks?' i mean what the fuck does that even mean? You want me to perform a trick? I'm not a dog or some monkey or magician, what tricks do you                                                           think I have to tell you about?

On a cheerier note - I went to a friend's gig on Friday night and there were under-18s there! (I dont mean to say that made it a great night, I'm not a child-kidnapper) I'm going to get onto the point - so my friend's band were the only one playing that I found at all bearable - the other two bans I was subjected to were all screamy metal noise bands - like what we all used to like in our early teens! (I say 'we', obviously I have never liked this stuff - my music tastes revolve around anything with a bombastic tune, or something I can sing to, or both!) I've never ever seen the appeal of having some musicians just make as much noise as possible whilst the flopping-haired singer just grunts and coughs into a microphone for song after song - OH YEAH THIS ONE'S CALLED I HATE MY PARENTS! and basically they were doing what they do on stage and all the tweens were standing about in gloomy garb or getting off with their significant others - though due to the amount of eyeliner/hair product being used it was impossible to tell where one started and the other began! The general consensus was the whole experience made me and my friends feel very old.

Here's a thing - professional impersonators! What IS the point of them! These people who claim to look like celebrities actually charge gullable fools to hire them for stuff! I don't get what you would need that for, unless you're planning to kidnap the real-life celebrity and replace them with a body-double! I get it for stuff like tribute acts and the like, but for non-performers you'd be like "Oh here's David Beckham!" then a second later everyone would be like..."It looks a bit like him but it's not him". And you could get your picture taken with him and everyone would be like omg I cant beleive you got your picture taken with....oh                                                           hold on it's not him...you're weird.

I've seen a lot of these links (See all my previous rants on 'click-bait') that are like "The miracle pill that's putting gyms out of business" or "The 5 Secrets Casinos don't want you to know!" and I'm like, if these so-called secrets etc are so amazing why are you giving them away for nothing? Also why isn't it in the news that Gyms up and down the country and closing after people discover these 'life-hacks' (another stupid phrase) all it is desperate attention-grabbing tactics to make you look at their offering and hopefully see the advertisements crawling all over it like the kitchen table at an orgy!

That's your allotted time.