That's why there used to be more dentists on the NHS, so the Great Plaque of London would never happen again.

I've inadvertently (long word so early on, I know) created a delicious beverage. Let me tell you all about it.

I was in Tesco the other day and I spied some discounted cans of coke. I eagerly bought them but then once I got them home I saw, to my horror, that they were VANILLA coke. As a coke puritan I basically turned my nose up so high I did a backflip. 

But anyway now I have mixed it with some delicious vodka and it tastes not half bad! 

Speaking of my vodka, it had found it's way to the back of the cupboard. I dont know if it's to do with my mother's mad cupboard sorting shenanigans or if a black hole has opened in the back of my drinks cupboard and it's drawing in my vodka like some super-dense galactic phenomenon! 

"I've been drawn into watching at least three games of the World Cup since it started. I'm finding it well exciting" lied the author.

So Stardust is an awesome movie, but stupidly I've leant it to my sister so I spent about 10 minutes frantically searching for it and almost hulking out before I remembered. Then I wept openly.

I'm tiring of this Vanilla Coke. I mean vanilla is the most...vanilla of flavours! I wouldn't choose it if i had a choice of ice cream to eat, so why the hell would i put it in my coke?! I mean would a chocolate coke be good? perhaps. But who would be mad enough to make it...or genius enough to.

Which reminds me, my good friend (see: onely) has been spreading that "well known fact" that chocolate has special stuff in it (oh yes I'm getting all technical on your asses) (and pulling out the word 'ass', apparently)...

....

anyway she's been saying that chocolate has that special thing that you can also get from a hug, or love, or something. Call me cynical but doth this not just sound like something the chocolate companies (and by extension 'the establishment') would say to cater to chocolate's main fan-base, the +censored because of highly sexist content+

I had some Rocky Road chocolate the other day, it was off the rails!

According to a friend because I complimented a girl on her hair, that will make me come across as a, and I quote, 'safe old gay'. Obviously what I should have done is just honked my horn, told her she had nice tits and driven off. Which would have been difficult as we were indoors at the time.

I got laughed at whilst watching the football (see earlier paragraph) for starting my comment on the game with "you want to hear an interesting fact about grass?" WILL I NEVER FIT IN WITH DA LADZ?

Also I found out my nickname at work is not 'The Elephant Man' on account of my excellent memory!

WTF is this?!