What I'd say if I was a cartoon villain: "Bah, you naive fool!"
What I actually said: "Pfft"
Solid.
Well actually that entire exchange didn't happen. But when it does, I'll be ready with a zinger!
So I finally heard that Beyonce song "Drunk On love" or "Drunk in love" or something and apart from being surprisingly unamazing - that's right - it just has JayZ doing a snake impression half way through it! Don't know wtf I'm on about? Let me do my impression!
"If I do sss ss ma sss" and here it is again! "If I do sss ss ma sss" I'm like why not just enunciate properly? It that somehow square! He's like I ain't no poindexter!
So I was operating reception at work today, and having it rebuilt to be a proper command centres (with at least one screen for every eyeball I have) and this woman comes in and asks for Rachel. Now we only have one Rachel and I quickly clarify with the woman's help that is it NOT this Rachel she's after. I'm like do you know her surname? She's like Mckenzie? I'm like there's no-one by that name here. After this conversation she literally turns, annoyed to me, and says "Can you just contact her please and tell her I'm here?"
OH YEAH cos i know who you mean and am purposely holding you here cos i enjoy your company this much, u pushy bitch!
If you couldn't tell before, I was getting well annoyed. I said I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU MEAN!!! and used my laser beams.
Part of that story is untrue. There is a prize for whoever knows what it is.
How bloody redick (with an emphasis on the dick) does Kim Kardashian's arse look? If I wanted to hide a space-hopper up my trousers I would go to her for tips? The appeal of curves is undeniable (I say in my most laddish manner) but come on?! Apparently she pays some idiot £3000 a day.... A DAY!!
WHAT
...to resize her trousers so they fit her ludicrous figure.
Which leads me on to other stupid things! Homoeopathy. It's nonsense and if you disagree then you're clearly smoking too much purple quartz. However, there are a lot of stupid people in the world. and some of them are bound to be rich. It's the right of Homoeopathic 'doctors' (who are about as qualified to medically treat a sick person as me) to squeeze every last penny out of these morons as they can. One day the rich idiots who believe in homoeopathy will be bankrupt and have to eke out a living building tent-sized arse-bits-of-trousers for Kim Kardashian (I almost said arse-holes but i dont think that's the right term for that bit of the trousers) (it is correct for the person wearing them though)
So you know how basically most people have run out of ideas for new things, and just are happy to rip off old stuff, put a new face on it, and hope it works? Well I have some ideas of old tv shows that I have given a brand new flavour:
Mortal Wombat: wombats fight it out in some vague ninja-based backstory bullshit
Ace Von Fuhrer: the pet detective who hunts for missing right-wing German pets.
Embarrassing Buddies:...Why are we friends?
Casual Tea: all the gossip straight from the hospital cafeteria.
Also (I'll come back to that later) what was up with Dog and Duck? Firstly they were two different animals so how did they talk? Also the dog was a toy so how did it talk? Also the piano talked? What. My friend who I used to watch it with after secondary school claimed the piano was the voice of reason, but I say it was a complete smart-ass. Also it was a piano. How can it even have an opinion?
Two programmes that were actually amazing though were Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide and Fairly Odd Parents. I have many fond memories of them.
So I've finally finished my bottle of Jeeves. I'm glad I had it to get me through the tough periods of abject poverty I've suffered recently.
Also Raven? he was some scottish man who battled NEVARRRRRRR the evil wizard thing. THE WATER DEMON WAS JUST A REGULAR DEMON IN A DINGHY!! And yes, they should have made the children kill the weakest memeber of their band at the end of each episode! Raven could have sat on his perch and observed, and laughed. How he would laugh.
On that cheerful note I leave with some nice pictures.
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| Omg how effing funny was the Mask, especially when he was a soldier! |
