Just because I don't take buzzfeed's advice and cry or die at every little thing i see it doesn't make me emotionally repressed, does it? And nothing they've ever done has changed my life, unless you could the fact that the 'me' that comes out of the magic experience of seeing whatever they've literally dredged up from the deeps of world shit, is only different from the me that went in because I'm about 30 seconds closer to the grave (or maybe add a bit more as my soul would be a bit more crushed from the tedium). Of course that's only if it's a really interesting thing (contradiction in terms though that sounds), if it's a normal one it would only take a couple of seconds of my attention before I go back to thinking about important things like, oh I don't know....colours?
and WTF is up with these stupid stupid STUPID quizzes?! What.....+struggles to think of something amusing AND outside the box+....+embarrassing...I got told I was quick the other day (and not in the bedroom, for a change)+....anyway it's what BLANK are you, based on these stupid multiple-choice questions dreamt up by someone who once had dreams but is now nothing but a stupid-haircut-wearing, probably wears jeans too low and has some sort of hipster top on ironically cos he thinks it's funny...god I hope he goes and plays in the traffic. Anyway yeah answer these dumb questions and you can find out what member of Girls Aloud's haircut you were in another life. Nailed it.
ONE MORE THING << for the less-informed of my readers...or reader...that was clearly a reference to Jackie Chan Adventure, the earth-shatteringly amazing cartoon show from when I was younger.
My cat is tortoiseshell coloured, so for those who don't know: that's quite dark. And I'm not about to go off on some racist tangent here so I don't want any outspoken 'do-gooder' standing up for minority cats because I'm going to say it here and now - cats are pretty dickish, whatever colour they come in. For instance there's this white-supremacist cat up the street, always prowling around the garden doing who-knows-what - anyway so my dark-coloured cat likes nothing more than lying across the top of the stairs in the dark waiting for someone to trip over her! Then she'll sit on you, purring whilst she digs her claws in and then molts all over my white sofa!
I often get told I was born in the wrong decade, usually whilst watching some quality comedy film about the 60s, 70s or 80s (often during a disco scene) and I often think about how those people, are they happier because they're actors in a film, or is it because back in those days people were so less aware of the wider world. I don't mean they were idiots (though sure a lot of them were, like there are idiots today too (some of them are the same ones in fact!)) but anyway it's just that they didn't have such an almighty media machine constantly pumping them full of worldwide information! All they had was the broadsheets (and back in them days they were broader than - oh I dont know, yo moma!) and really starchy radio-presenters!
So today we have hundreds of newspapers, radio stations, tv channels and the internet all telling us the true facts of what's going on elsewhere. Only none of it is the full truth - some of it isn't even any of the truth. All of it is there to serve someone's agenda. Some we know of, some we don't, but it gets to the point where some people know how fake and/or opinionated a lot of the media is so don't even know what to believe anymore! So then you're like 'well why pay attention to any of it, why not just assume everything's shit?!' Which I think it fair enough, as it's a philosophy I just thought of.
And things were just better back then! I remember the 80s....actually I dont as I was born in 1990 but I remember the other day when I was watching Live Aid on Youtube and Mick Jagger wore...wait for it...a red t-shirt! I mean you just couldn't get away with that shit these days! These days you have to wear either some sort of merange/battery-powered giraffe costume that breathes fire, or else nothing at all, to get noticed! It's because these days people have no attention-span so you need to grab them by the neck, hold their eyes and ears open and inject your shitty dogma on them then kick them down and remind them they're shit! shit SHIT I SAY!
Instead of finding a nice picture to end this with, I spent 15 minutes watching the best of Malcolm Tucker, so I will instead say 'Fuckity-Bye!' and leave it at that.
Oh okay here's a nice picture of a train
