Plan B: how to fix the country

Hark! Doth I hear the calls of the political parties rallying the plebs to vote for them to be in power once again? It must be an election coming up, where promises are created like eggs from a hen before being broken on the side of the saucepan of power and then fried over the heat of political pressure!

Now don't get me wrong, democracy is a cracking system, but like every system it's not without it's drawbacks. I mean what if we vote in someone who's a complete lunatic?

Also what's worrying is everyone I've talked to (at least two people) agree that the system we have is broken. Now we're not the kind of people to do something about what we know is broken - we can leave that to some White Knight do-gooder! But this First Past The Post system we operate (where whoever has the most votes wins, simple as that) has some huge flaws when we have multiple political parties! It leads to things such as tactical voting, which I think it nonsense as if you want a party to win you should vote for that party! If you only have two parties then FPTP is fine, but nowadays we have the two main parties, then Lib Dems who are the official bronzers, then a plethora of smaller parties. And the result is the voter-ship is split so many ways that even the winners only get around 30% of the entire vote, so whoever wins then more than half the population are going to say WELL I DIDN'T VOTE FOR YOU so they're always going to be unpopular!

I got chatting to a lovely girl on the train the other day, as I noticed she was reading a Jack Reacher book, by Lee Child - the one that's just come out. I was also reading one at the time and slyly slid into the seat opposite her, really un-subtle-ly reading my book. She noticed - of course she noticed! and we had a nice chat. I really regret not asking for her number but I hope I put in her mind the idea that i was some incredible socialite who would find her number if I wanted to - through my many channels. Anyway I saw it as a positive!


But the thing is, we're a country of around 60-70 million people, how can anyone, or any political party, possibly represent everyone happily? You have the mega-rich, who probably only care about building up palaces of gold and eating £50 notes whilst they shoot at beggars; then you have the young people who will not be able to pay off their student fees before they're in their 50s, or ever own a house because the rich are using all the houses to store their motorbikes/mistresses/gold. But you get the point, i hope!

I saw a quiz on Facebook the other day which was "Which Avenger are you?" - I don't need a quiz to tell me I'm not any of the Avengers. I mean these idiot-magnets are like What kind of shop would your spirit animal buy shoes in? I'm like I don't give a shit you were probably put together by someone who was turned down for a job by Apple and are now just a sad loser who splits his time scouting for talent in the Meals for one aisle of their local Lidl, and crying at the same state of their life in the privacy of their Mum's basement!

Back to less important matters...

So now the Conservatives have gotten back into power and have quickly began whipping us as we carry them round on their thrones - metaphorically speaking. If this was a film, or epic tale written in song, our government would be portrayed as some sneering, slimy creature (think Grima Wormtongue from Lord of the Rings but even slimier, as if he's just woken up in the Matrix! #topical) - but where is our bold hero (or heroine - tis the 21st century after all)? Where is the person who can lead us away from the corrupt Gringot's Goblins furiously masturbating over their piles of money and getting our disabled, elderly and poor to wipe it up afterwards! Jabba the Hutt would say 'woah, steady on there Dave!", in Huttese of course.

I hope I've painted a vivid picture of despair and misery in your minds, dear reader. But I also hope that you'll pay heed to my next idea, that I came up with a couple of days ago!

We - the British - are a pretty miserable bunch, as a nation. We may call Americans simple, fat and stupid, but at least they have national pride, as well as an optimism and sense of hope that we are desperately lacking! Every time an election of any sort rears it's ugly head we just shuffle into the cold metal booths and reluctantly scrawl a cross on whoever we think will fuck things up the least!
Our society is fed sad stories and warnings from a fear-mongering media who will do whatever it takes to sell their voices!
Our weather is shit 99% of the year, and awful the other 1%.
Our rich elite are corrupt Etonians who have never wanted for anything, yet through the media (owned by them or their school-chums) churn out biased drivel to turn our ire towards the most vulnerable in our communities - people such as immigrants, disabled and elderly; become the skapegoats for the problems lurking throughout our country.

However all is not lost! You might be afraid to leave your house, or let your children out of your sight because you read an article 'How to spot a paedophile, 5 easy steps', but all we need to do to fix our community is become the heroes and heroines our nation is short of!
It's quite an unusual thing these days to say Good Morning! to a stranger as you walk along the road - I mean okay they might be a murderer, but we've just been raised in a country that celebrates its introvert-ish nature and we should get our there and play in the sun with the other countries!
Stop letting the rich drive us apart with their weird, slightly un-human smiles, and instead pull together and we can make this into a country we're proud to live in - like what the strong nationalist parties say, except without the inherent racism!