Also I've divided up this post into easy-to-digest segments.
I worked at Wilkinson, WHO ELSE DID?!
So apparently I got fingered by an ex-colleague who claimed I worked at Wilkinson a few years ago. It's true! But apparently I have to go onto a special section of Facebook to agree to this accusation and then it gives me an option to say 'WHO ELSE WORKED THERE?!' I'm like I don't care! Leave me alone!
This story comes across as much less distressing than it actually was in reality.
Mountaineering
I did do my trip up to Wales and Scotland to climb their respective tallest mountains. I did Snowden in 2 hours 40 minutes after a rough night's 'sleep' in my car. Lasting on a diet of mainly Monster Energy drinks, travel sweets and petrol fumes, I failed to reach the top of Ben Nevis and tore two pairs of trousers over the week (they were too small after all). The driving was overall pretty enjoyable though, especially with the addition of The Greatest Country Album in the World which has well and truly converted me to Country Music.
Tax Rebate
Mr Taxman has seen fit to bequeath me a Tax Rebate of £724, which I was pleased with. That's all I have to say about that.
'You're a safe 7'
Is apparently not a compliment! I dare say the furious looks I got afterwards put her down to a 6!
Dead Space
So I've finally caught up to 2008 and started playing Dead Space. It's dead scary. It involved wandering around a deserted space station trying to escape somehow, whilst fighting off these creepy, gangling, scythe-limbed monsters! Needless to say it was a good thing I was wearing my brown underwear!
Un-friending People
What's more awkward than unfriending someone on Facebook who you haven't spoken to in years and then them messaging u within the hour asking why you unfriended them? Well how about when you click on 'unfriend' and it doesn't load straight away so you click again and it suddenly sends them a friend request! Come to think of it both these situations are pretty awkward, so if you want to send in your answer, the best response will win a signed copy of my pamphlet Friendzoned in 30 Seconds.
From one relationship to another
I don't have all that much to say, I'd just like to highlight the people who seem to be in a long-term relationship then they break up and find someone new within a couple of weeks...repeatedly. You know the sort of people! Maybe I just find it baffling!
Facebook videos starting automatically
As I scroll through my (very exciting) newsfeed, I see more and more average-to-boring videos that just think I want to watch them so much I cant even wait to click on the Play button so just start automatically! Rarely do I see any video that I care to watch, and I don't care how wet you get when you have water poured over you. Does that make me a bad person? ('No' is the correct answer).
Apparently it's OK to tell me to my face I'm not sexually attractive!
Yes this happened. It was very unpleasant and I didn't see it coming. Needless to say I was hugely upset. The girl in question asked if I was OK, I said that I was just crying because of all the bad things that were happening to women, children and animals throughout the world. I think she bought it.
Justin Bieber
What a cock-end. Have you seen the hats he wears? He could literally be wearing a huge phallus-shaped helmet on his smug knob face and look like less of a prick. I don't get the fact that people wear baseball caps as fashion items in the first place, especially backwards/indoors, you look like a moron. But to wear one that seems about a foot taller than it needs to be makes you incredibly murder-able. Plus he's an odious cunt in general.
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| Looks more like 99% off to me! Wahey! |
